22 weeks even

Day one of positive only. I love it. I want Scarlett to be surrounded by only good. Even though she buried deep inside me, I don't want her to ever feel that she was grown under anything but happiness and love. I don't ever want her to feel sad ever. Now this is completely unavoidable, but while she's in me, she will know nothing but happiness.

I had to be up at 4:30am for work today, I'm still no where near a morning person. But it's not to terrible when I know I'm going to spend the day in the ER. I honestly feel the best right now there. It's 10 hours of complete, uninterrupted bliss. I focus on the task and my colleagues around me. Despite being such a crazy ass place it keeps me grounded. I did my "what I'm grateful for" today, not that I don't pray and thank God every day for all of the good and bad things in my life, but stopping and taking a moment to think of something I'm thankful/grateful for. Every day I need to think of something new.

Morning: Thankful for the absolutely beautiful spring sunrise. It was one of those sorbet mornings with every bird in the vicinity belting it out.

Afternoon: So excited and grateful for one of the most wonderful men I know getting his second child in November. I know how much he and his wife wanted another baby, and after all of their infertility problems with their first, this is the most incredible surprise.

Night: Feeling Scarlett doing her twists and turns (right now) while writing about my happiness. I love feeling her stretch while I'm doing something other than laying in bed.

I had a great conversation today with the doc I was working with, not that him and I don't always have great heart to hearts, but this one was something else. We somehow came on how when people first find out I'm expecting their first question is "are your parents pissed?" I find this a really interesting first question. I say "no" because they're not. I'm 23 years old and will almost be done with my graduate program when she's born. I've accomplished more academically in my last 23 years than most have in their lifetime. It's not like I'm 16 in high school or 18 and a freshmen in undergrad. I looked at him and said "If at 23 and in grad school this is the worst thing I've done, I'm doing pretty good." his response was so genuine and took me a second to realize what I had said. "You didn't do anything thing bad, this isn't a bad thing, this is a great thing." And it's true. There is nothing bad about bringing a new human into this world. One who is being born into a family that loves her. She will make my life so rich and complete. What more could I honestly ask for in life?

I know that I wanted a few more years before bringing her into this world. A little more time to finish school and solidify my life. But life has different plans. New life comes to be exactly when it's meant to. She's meant to be here now and not in 5 years. I'm not sure why yet, but I will when I meet her. She'll make her entrance on her terms, kicking, screaming and lighting up my life. I am so excited to meet this little lady I've been smuggling for almost 6 months.