Monday, August 13, 2012

No Sleep Till Brooklyn - 37 weeks even

Sleep is now a thing of the past. It's about 6:30am and I've already been awake since 4:30. I'm confined to my bedroom because mom is asleep on the couch downstairs. Which is insanely inconvenient when you're starved at 5:30 and have to tiptoe in attempt to make cereal without waking her up. Nowadays I'm somewhat of an overly ambitious elephant and make roughly as much noise. However, today I was successful in not waking her up while mowing down.

If she had been awake I would have sprawled on the couch to watch murder shows until I got sleepy again (at roughly 8) and went down for my morning nap. Instead I had to steal my computer (quietly) and return back to my room to dick around until I'm tired again.

I'm sleeping about 5 hours during the day, in 2-3 hour intervals, usually around 8am and again around 3-4pm. I don't understand why nap time goes over so amazingly but I can't for the life of me stay asleep at night. I'm not sure how many hours of sleep I'm averaging a night, but my guess is no more than 4-5 with constant breaks in-between.

The frequent naps are in part due to my discomfort and inability to sleep at night, but also the constant Braxton-Hicks that have been plaguing me now for 8 days. I didn't think something so stupid and non productive could make one so tired...or irritable. I'm exhausted and pissy. For all of those who've never had a BH contraction this is my best description: you're smuggling a watermelon under your skin, which is already heavy and pulling your skin uncomfortably tight...like you're going to burst. The watermelon also likes to squirm and pack a few kicks. A BH is SQUEEZING that watermelon under your skin with so much pressure that you are certain your stomach is going to explode like a bomb and watermelon guts will easily go a mile. Now, imagine this happening every 3-4 minutes without relief. Oh, and sometimes while you're being squeezed the watermelon is also moving at the same time. It's nearly impossible to get comfortable now, between the squeezing, abnormally large abdomen and complete awkwardness of my body. I spend a lot of time laying on my left side or on a giant blue exercise ball. Both take the edge off just enough so I don't scream. I would be much more tolerant of the BH if they were productive to dilating my cervix to get tiny human out..but they don't and thus are stupid. I would also be more tolerant if I could do anything other than walking to the bathroom and laying down without being thrown into a cluster of the super painful variety. Yesterday I was cleaning my apartment while mom and dad packed the car and paid for that movement for 3 hours or utter pain.

I'm sick of doing nothing. Im sick of being antsy and unable to anything.

8 days ago they thought (they being both my doc and the Wisco doc) that Scarlett would be born in the next 3-4 days, and if I was insanely lucky I would make it to 37 weeks. I had my mind all wrapped up and prepared to have a baby last week. Still no baby. Still no change. I'm losing it slightly. I'm glad she's still cooking but now my belly button is popped out which I'm 99% sure is synonymous with a turkey timer saying she's done. Amy thinks she's coming today, Matt thinks she's coming Wednesday, I'm thinking 2-3 weeks. The idea of 14-21 more days of this makes me want to sob uncontrollably. Sigh.

I'm hoping for a less eventful week than last week. I spend 3 days at the doc being checked and rechecked, each time being told I'll "know" when it's time. I have no freaking clue btw. My plan is to finish getting all of Scarlett's things in order while unpacking my apartment things and putting them away here. Oh, and also finish my school work. None of those things seem plausible with the discomfort I'm in, but I'm going to make a valid attempt. Maybe I will succumb to watching shark week and bouncing on my ball.

I've more or less become a hermit too. I feel bad, but I really just don't want to see anyone. I don't feel good, I'm uncomfortable and snap incredibly easily. The only person I can really tolerate is my mom, I make her spend endless hours by my side because she makes me feel less miserable. I don't want to see any of my friends. I don't want to see any of my family. I don't even want to see Matt. Actually, he is one of the last people I want to see right now. I feel bad, but he irritates and frustrates me right now, more so than ever. And it sucks because I want him to be attentive to both me and his unborn child and I can barely get a word out of him. Thinking about it just makes me sad and perpetuates the irritated and frustrated towards him. I honestly wonder if I'll even see him now before the baby is born. I'm just tired of putting in 150% and getting 50-70% with him. I just hope things change once she's born.

Well, now is about the time I have to go to the bathroom for the second time this hour, turn some Anthony Bourdain on and snuggle down on my side. Baby girl is wide awake so I need to give her some lovin. I am so flipping excited for this pregnancy to wrap up and be sleepy, irritable and worn out because I have the most incredible little love in my arms. Geez. She's going to be here before I know it. :)


Photo from Kelsey's rehearsal dinner

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