After 21 days of Braxton-Hicks (every 2-3 minutes, all day every day) I FINALLY went into labor. Finally. It started on the 24th when we were at dinner, I noticed that I was having intermittent menstrual cramps...I called the docs at 11:30 because it was happening every 20 minutes or so, and of course Dr. Becker says "Well come in when your contractions are every 5 minutes apart"...Uh, they've been every 2-3 minutes for 21 days, not really a good indicator. So we agreed that if the cramps got so severe I couldn't sleep I'd come in.
Insert 2:30am. Pain was still every 20 minutes, but horrible. No sleep. No relaxing. Now mind you I hadn't slept in 2 days because of the discomfort of my contractions and the huge belly I was lugging around. I dragged my butt into the shower to shave my legs and hooha, oh yes, 2:30am, contracting, cramping, can't see my vag and you better believe I was silky smooth and clean.
Mom and I headed into the hospital, I told Matt that night that I thought I was going to have the baby in the next 24 hours. Not sure if it was legit on my part or more wishful thinking. However, I didn't tell him I was going in, since I went into preterm labor I had been to L&D 4 times thinking it was "time", so there was no use getting everyone worked up when in the past I had cried "wolf" so to speak.
When we got there and the nurse checked me there was no change. Still 1cm dilated, -1 station and about 80% effaced. I lost my shit and broke down sobbing. I didn't understand how I could be in so much pain and have absolutely nothing happen. They decided to keep me for 3 hours to observe to see if anything was going on (besides the contractions every 2-3 minutes that the monitor was picking up). I sent mom home because I felt ridiculous making her stay when I knew they were just going to send me home. I was offered Dilaudid. This was perplexing to me. They give women Dilaudid snoozes, it either stops the crazy contractions or throws you into real labor. The nurse was perturbed that I refused this. I also refused the IV. I told her I didn't need to be drugged up if I was just going to go home, I also didn't want Scarlett getting such a strong narcotic medication. Plus, as far as I'm concerned I will only ever take Dilaudid if I feel like I'm going to die. Which I was pretty close to feeling that then...but not quite.
They came back and checked me 3 hours later. By now I was now having the cramps every 5 minutes and was in white knuckle pain. I went from the bed, to the rocker, to the ball without any resolve. When she did my internal exam nothing had changed. I was so distraught, I couldn't imagine being sent home feeling that horrible. I was offered Dilaudid again and declined. They wanted to keep me until 8-9am to have Dr. Becker check me before sending me home.
About an hour later I had enough, I was exhausted and in so much pain. I was laying in the fetal position, crying and holding onto the railings. When the nurse came in to check on me she got anxious seeing as how much pain I was in with still no change to my cervix. She disconnected me from the monitor and told me she was going to call Dr. Becker to see if she would come in early.
Around 7 Dr. Becker arrived, I was still pitiful, in bed crying. When she checked me she got upset. "Why aren't you connected to the monitors?" "She took me off because I've been on them since 3am with no change and the baby was doing fine." She called for the nurse and looked at me and said "You're almost 2cm, 100 effaced and I'm poking the baby's scalp."
She grabbed an internal monitor, put it on Scarlett's scalp and ruptured my bag of water. "Expect to have the baby in 12-15 hours. We're going to start some pitocin and get your epidural." I was in shock. And stupidly said "Wait, so I'm going to have the baby today? You're not going to send me home?"
They did not. My nurse started my IV and the pitocin and informed me I would have to wait till the anesthesiologist came in from home (my request woke him up and he lives 30 minutes from the hospital). Meanwhile, the cramping got worse and I eventually called the respected parties; my parents, Matt and his parents. This was around 8:30, I told them not to come in yet because this was going to be an all day process.
The anesthesiologist showing up was a godsend. Getting it placed was a bit nerve wracking, especially since your reflex is to jump when you get a gigantic needle shoved into your back. That sucker started working fast, I literally looked at Dr.Godsend and told him he was my new best friend. If my legs weren't completely numb, I could have gotten up and ran a marathon, that's how good I felt once it was placed.
Happy post-epidural face
Last photo of Scarlett in my belly
So I hung out, ate popsicles, enjoyed my lack of pain and took some cat naps. Mr. and Mrs. Reichert showed up at 2pm, Matt at 2:30 and my mom at 3. Dr. Kim was the on call OB for the day. When she came in at 2 she told me I was 3cm and to expect the baby around 6pm. I started laughing. I told her no way, that the baby wasn't going to be here before 9pm. I was checked again at 3pm, now 4cm. At 4pm I jumped to 7cm! Also, my epidural wasn't working on the left side of my body. The nurse anesthetist came in to assess me, turns out that sitting up isn't exactly conducive to a successful epi. All the drugs happened to be pooled in my ass. Making my butt incredibly numb, but everything else not so much. While he was fixing to add more drugs I told my nurse to check me again, even though it had only been a half hour later I told her I was fully dilated. Sure enough when she checked I was. She told me she was going to get Dr. Kim so I could start pushing. This threw me into a panic. It was only 4:30, I figured I would have a few more hours to prepare myself. Since my panic attack coincided with my adjusted epi and my heart rate sky rocketing to 150bpm they put me on high alert. I got a thousand questions asked about my heart, the nurse anesthetist was afraid I was throwing myself into SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia) WHICH made me panic more. It took him talking me down, and my mom, before I was able to get my heart rate under control and to be calmer.
Matt and Mrs. Reichert came back into the room, them plus my mom were who I wanted present for the birth. Each mama had a leg and Matthew was sent to my head with strict rules NOT to look. At anything. Unless permission was granted from me. Which was fine since he didn't want to look anyway. I'm glad the mamas were there. My mom coached and Matt made jokes, which I needed.
I hate when women say "I wont get an epidural because I wont know when to push." That's bull. I could feel every contraction, they didn't hurt, but I could feel them. Because they didn't hurt I was able to focus on my pushing. Pushing by the way sucks. I'm an instant gratification kind of person, so after 5 pushes she wasn't born I was getting fed up. Dr. Kim told me to expect to push for 1-2 hours. I was determined for 15 minutes, however, didn't quite work that way. It was lighthearted though, it was incredibly calm during pushing which I appreciated. Matt kept it light by making jokes, and Dr. Kim commented on my nicely shorn hooha, she asked if I got it done professionally before I came in and then her and the nurse had a good laugh when I told them I did it at 2:30am blindly.
My mom told me that I wouldn't care who was in the room when I pushed. That I wouldn't care who looked at my vag or if I pooped during labor. I told her she was crazy and I wanted no one to look, I wanted to be covered up if possible and do it in the dark. My mother was right. After 45 minutes of pushing I didn't care of the janitor was in the room taking video to put on youtube. I wanted her out so bad. I begged and pleaded with Dr. Kim just to get her out already, do whatever she needed, but to get her out. I was exhausted, frustrated and sore. I didn't yell, I didn't scream, I didn't even cuss at Matt. I just begged Dr. Kim. Eventually an episiotomy was needed (and I still tore). Once that happened I was able to give enough umph to get little lady out.
My world changed forever.
The second they told me to look down and grab my baby girl I lost it. I will never forget the way her skin felt the second I touched it, or the sound of her perfect little kitten cry that took my breath away. That was the moment I became a mother. I started crying and thanking God for her and repeating over and over again "I love you, Scarlett." I had loved her while pregnant, but it was nothing compared to the love I felt seeing her for the first time and knowing that she was mine and that I was going to spend the rest of my life raising and cherishing her.
A part of me, a part I didn't even know existed, became alive when she was born.
I'm not a religious person. I am spiritual and do believe in God. I have never been more confident in such things as miracles when I saw that perfect new little life. That somehow, two such flawed people can create something so pure, good and perfect is awe inspiring. It is something that cannot be explained to anyone who isn't a parent. Because it is impossible to understand until you are a part of that miracle taking place.
Matt cut her cord, and she was measured and weighed. 7lbs, 12oz and 211/4 in. Born at 5:52pm (Before 6pm like Dr. Kim predicted) She was wrapped and placed into my arms to nurse and for me to get my first good look at her. She had a surprising head full of dark silky hair, which made sense given just how horrible my reflux was. Big inquisitive almond eyes. Cherub lips. And big full cheeks. 10 fingers. 10 toes. Absolute perfection.
I was elated to share that moment with Matt and our moms. Letting our moms be a part of their first granddaughter's birth, and insuring (in a way only a mother can do) that we both made it through the process safe and surrounded by love. Watching Matt hold her for the first time was beautiful. As a mother you feel this little life grow inside you, kick and stretch. Your attachment begins during pregnancy. As Matt had told me, "I wont really become a dad until she's born" and that's true. Watching him look at her, examen her little hands, kiss her head and fall head over heels in love with her made me love him. He called her his little "Nemo" because of her tongue poking in and out of her mouth.
After nursing her the grandpas, Tyler and Jess came in. My dad came in first and seeing him tear up over the sight of his new little girl brought me to tears. I was so happy to have everyone there, to hold her, to talk about who she looked like and love her. It was the perfect beginning to her incredible life.
I didn't sleep that night, making it three nights without sleep. But I couldn't. I was running on left over adrenaline. Matt slept in the bed in the corner, while I laid in the hospital bed holding her. Giggling over hiccups and listening to her soft breathing sounds. I didn't want to sleep. I just wanted to be with her. It was worth 9 months of pregnancy, 21 days of Braxton-Hicks, 11 hours of labor and 52 minutes of pushing. I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
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