Saturday, December 29, 2012

One Year - 18 weeks old

One year ago today.

Wow.

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant.





It still blows my mind that an entire year has passed since that day my entire world changed. It feels like yesterday those little blue lines showed up. Literally the second it touched the stick. 

I didn't know then how much my life would be different. And just how much better it would become after the appearance of those little blue lines. I didn't know how much my heart would grow. I didn't know then that I would become the mother of the most incredible little girl in the world.

It hasn't been perfect. Hell, it's been tough between her father and I. But despite the bullshit with him, she is worth every tear I have shed over him. She is worth every time he broke my heart. She is worth dealing with his lies and deception. She is worth it 100 fold. And I would deal with it every second of it every day because it means that I have Scarlett.

My mom asked me if I knew where I would be now and everything I have been dealing with (w/ all of the problems w/ her father) would I have changed my decision. There was no hesitation in my answer. No. No. No. No. I wouldn't change a thing because it means that I have Scarlett. 

A year later I am stronger. I am wiser. I am a mother. I am happy. I am in love. I am 3 pounds lighter than I was before. I am home on a Saturday night and grateful for that. I am celebrating this milestone while welcoming Aunt Flo (touche body, touche).

I love every single day of motherhood. It's not always glamorous or easy. It's usually messy...but always filled with laughter, smiles, and love. Scarlett is such a gift. One I couldn't even comprehend a year ago.


She's 18 weeks old today. She discovered her feet for the first time today. Made her first snow angel today too. 







It's amazing how they change every day. I love watching her discover the world around her and herself. She has figured out she can reach, touch and grab toys. She will cradle my face in her hands. She has deep beautiful belly laughs where she closes her eyes and her body shakes. She is always smiling and sucking on her fingers. She is determined and stubborn. Her personality is incredible, I am lucky enough to watch it blossom every single day. I start my mornings with her and end my nights with her and fill my day with her in between.

I am so lucky.

I go back to school next Monday, ending my 19 week maternity leave. It's bittersweet. I feel so incredibly blessed to have had this time with her and be able to spend her first 4 months with her every single day, all day. But I am ready to go back to school and fulfill my promise to both her and I. In 8 short months I will be done with my master's degree. I will be able to give Scarlett and I the lives we deserve, and I cannot wait. It will be great being back in the swing of things juggling school, work and raising her. 

Here is to another year! A beautiful, messy, brilliant year filled with Scarlett.



No comments:

Post a Comment